Ranvir Thapar - Blog 4 Week 13 - Reverse

    Would you rather lose the ability to make new memories or forget all your memories up until this point in your life? I came across the question during my daily doom scroll session of instagram reels and I was struck by the depth of the question. For 20 minutes I sat there weighing the pros and cons, the effects and ramifications it would have on my future.

    The academic asian in me was the first to react. He was conflicted. Up until now my memories held knowledge enough for a junior to graduate high school, but beyond that I possessed no special talents to make it for myself in the real world. He opted to make new memories because I could always relearn what has been taught in school and to be a successful first born child and make my parents proud, I need to have a complete education. 

Then came the sentimentalist. He recognized that up until this point, I have lived my life with minimal regrets. I’ve done almost everything I’ve wanted to, I’ve had good times and bad, and I’ve learned from it all. The memories are what made everyone's experiences worth it. That feeling when she rested on my right shoulder, the weight of her body against mine, her hair tickling my cheek when I’m fighting against all odds to stay as still as possible because in that moment everything was perfect (this is my dream never happened, but I don’t want to forget that I want this to happen 😝). I don’t want to forget all the times where I’ve hunched over laughing, my stomach aching because I can’t take in a proper breath. The beautiful mountains and waterfalls I’ve seen as I’ve backpacked through terrain untouched by human desire. Even the fact that my humanity comes from movies I’ve watched, the cheesy one liners I make when the silence gets too awkward. 

But then I realized, life is lived forwards but is only understood in reverse. The reverse is our memories and if you can’t make memories, what’s the point? The academic asian was right in a way. The same way I can relearn math and physics, I can make new memories. Will I change, maybe? Will those memories be just as precious, who knows? The only thing I do know is that if tomorrow I woke up and I had to choose between losing all my memories or being unable to make new ones, I choose to lose my memories.